Creepypasta Wiki:Deletion Appeal
The Wither. I have re-edited my story The Wither http://creepypasta.wikia.com/wiki/Thread:520068 I have tried my best to fix grammar mistakes (But I know I probably missed some) and I tried to give The Wither more description and the main character a little more personality. DYLAN LABONTE (talk) 17:34, January 8, 2016 (UTC)DYLAN LABONTE :I'm sorry, but no. I'm going to be very blunt here. You've changed very little here and ignored previous advice given to you by both Whitix and me. :Whitix said: "Additionally, you've got tense changes and sentence fragments scattered throughout the story, which you'll need to go through and pick out." (Tense issues: ""Oh cool. You should get me one of the games you create." she says.", ""I bet it's going to fail," she says, giggling.", ""I(')m coming for you," he says.", "He then walks off and I am just sitting there until Katelyn breaks my trance.", etc. Overuse of fragmented sentences: "Death.", "But he won't let me die.", etc.) :I said in the previous denial: "You forget to capitalize sentences." "asked. she (She) wiped a", "I whispered. she hugs me back.", ""let’s go." I said.", etc. You also misscapitalize words in the middle of sentences and forget to properly capitalize the start of sentences. "We went into a coffee shop, After a...", " I said. after a long pause...". :I also said this: """W-What are you?"" When stuttering (unless it's a proper noun), the following stutter should be lowercase." and you've not corrected it. Another ignored message you haven't bothered to change: "You really should cut back on the word "said". It appears 40+ times in a two-three page story (sometimes in rapid succession)." :I'm sorry but a majority of this issues and still here and frankly, I feel like I'm now spending more time on this story than you are. I'm turning down this appeal AND I'm locking your post in the writer's workshop as you don't seem interested in improving the story or taking advice which is wasting other users' time. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 17:53, January 8, 2016 (UTC) Untitled Message I'm sorry, but the issues Jayten pointed out are still here. So I have no choice but to turn down the appeal as the story falls well below our quality standards. :Punctuation issues: When you shorten a word, you need to replace the missing letters with an apostrophe. "thunder (')cause I" You forget to use apostrophes in contractions. "whats right for me" Punctuation missing from dialogue/messages: "if you say " no "", " he will reply " Okay, see you tomorrow "", etc. :Wording/spelling issues: A lot of awkward phrasing. "I can't take it anymore but meet more friends that is alike me.", "I hurried into the home page and search for group chat,", " I met one and two and then three users which is alike me, they are nice and kind.", etc. I'm sorry, but if English isn't your first language, I would strongly suggest getting someone who is fluent to help you. "it turns out a sucess!", "the asks you if ", etc. :Wording issues cont.: Plural words need an s on the end and singular words don't. "I can't move any muscle", " my hearts is bumping", "I sigh and close my eye", etc.. Grammar: it's=it is, its=possession. "its just", "its my blood" :Tense issues: You are telling the story in past tense so you need to stick to past tense. "as he reply that I should beware.", "he laughed and reply", "I sigh and close my eye", etc. :Story issues: the story is incredibly rushed, riddled with issues, and generic. I'm sorry, but I don't think this story can be salvaged so I'm turning down this appeal. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 20:50, January 10, 2016 (UTC) Factory town I have re-edited my story http://creepypasta.wikia.com/wiki/Factory_town?venotify=created .it was original deleted as it was a remake of another story I made and I feel that it is up to standard and if not feedback would br greatly appreciated ~~~~ :I told you to hold off as you still have a lot of the same, but since you didn't, I'm afraid I have to deny this story outright. A lot of the issues I pointed out are still here (despite me giving direct examples.) To save time, I will be copy/pasting pieces from my original message. :Formatting issues: Here is how your story was formatted: It’s been almost thirty years since that day. I was only thirteen at the time. That place that I am talking about just got demolished and I fear that whatever the hell was down there is now free from its prison. :Capitalization issues: Incorrectly capitalized words: "them In front of Him", "“That’s would be Ironic,”", additionally "Iron" should not be capitalized. The sins of father shall be put to my justice,” It groaned :Punctuation issues: Commas missing where pauses are implied. “Yeah I’ll go grab him for you now.” , “Sup James(,) you out?”, "What met me there was my three best friends Tony, John and Pete", "“Well it’s better than hanging around at the park that’s for sure.", "“Look(,) I know you don’t like card games but you shouldn’t be standing by your own like this,”" etc. Punctuation missing from dialogue: “We are so alike you and I. Together we can purge all of those that have abandoned us” :New punctuation issues: "“Right, let’s get the chairs and the table,” Tony said pulling out a cigarette and placing it in his mouth.”(quotation not needed for actions)", "“Yeah, let’s get them,” John said.”(not needed)", etc. :Wording issues: Spelling issues: "O yeah Pete did you bring some cards to pass the time?", "sportsman ship", "Iron ore vain (vein)". Grammatical issues: you're=you are, your=possession "“No(,) your wrong my friends are getting help.”", "“Shut the fuck up, your just too pussy to hear the grim reality of what happened at the abandoned houses.”", "“Cause your scared of the ghost kid haha,”", etc. Awkward wording: " All it was, was a big square with three of its side’s lines with houses" :I'm sorry, but not only does this have a lot of the same issues with the story, punctuation, capitalization, spelling, and wording, but it also has new ones. I'm turning down this appeal and recommending you read messages that have been sent to you (especially warnings) as I am not going to go this in-depth again if you're going to repeat the same issues. A final note: This is not all of the issues present in your story. If you reupload it again like you did last time after making minor corrections, it will be deleted again. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 04:37, January 13, 2016 (UTC) The Fox and the Rabbit Here is a edited version, after being run through spellcheck and my own little minor edits, as I think my main issue was the ending, which after reading it a third time through, seemed very abrupt for no reason: http://pastebin.com/QrHy6S3S Please let me know if this can be appealed, and if not, salvaged, as I think this story could have a lot of potential to be something very interesting. Thank you. ThatBroncosFan (talk) 23:54, January 13, 2016 (UTC) :The story was deleted for not being up to quality standards and since they're are little changes made here, I'm afraid I'm going to have to turn down this appeal. There are numerous capitalization, punctuation, wording, grammatical, formatting, and story issues. :Capitalization issues: Dialogue needs to be properly capitalized. "what(What)?" Additionally since you are using both the Fox and the Rabbit as titles, they need to be properly capitalized. Improperly capitalizing after dialogue. "All your troubles will be gone." The (the) monster said.", ""Don't worry little rabbit, I will help you." The (the) voice told him.", etc. :Punctuation issues: "I, I did it!" If you're using a stammer, you should really use a hyphen. Punctuation missing from dialogue. "I can't be caught here when someone finds this body" he said.", "'Thank you!' said the rabbit"(.)", "I...am the fox" the figure said.", etc. You also forget to use quotations in dialogue: "the fox replied. 'So you better treat me.' the fox threatened. I, am the fox. You, are the rabbit" :Wording issues: ""I, I did it! I finally killed him!" Daniel exclaimed. "Now the mafia will get off my ass, right? They better!" said Daniel." Why is Daniel identified as speaking twice? There are no intervening actions or dialogue of it really isn;t necessary to say he exclaimed and spoke. You also do that here: "'Sure, I will help you!' said the fox. 'How could I ever leave you here?' said the fox," It's=it is, its=possession. "it's alarm" You're=you are, your=possession. "'Your welcome'" :Story issues: The dialogue needs to be seriously broken up so no two speakers are ever talking on the same line. It muddles who's saying what and it tends to make the text difficult to read. "'Please help, kind sir!' called out the rabbit. 'I have been trapped!' The fox gave the rabbit a greedy smile. 'Sure, I will help you!' said the fox. 'How could I ever leave you here?' said the fox, as he helped the rabbit out of the trap. 'Thank you!' said the rabbit"" The story feels very rushed and the real lack of description results in a weaker story. I'm sorry, but this story is not ready for the site due to its numerous capitalization, punctuation, wording, grammatical, formatting, and story issues. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 00:06, January 14, 2016 (UTC) My warning I don't fully understand why my story got deleted. Could an admin please explain? :Your story was deleted because it was not up to quality standards. Since it's a journal entry, I won't focus too heavily on the punctuation (periods missing from complete parenthetical sentences, commas misused, etc.) capitalization (not capitalizing proper nouns and improperly capitalized words), and wording issues (multiple fragmented sentences, awkward wording, etc) and will instead focus on the story aspect. :Formatting/coding issues: Thi issue is present every time you try to underline phrases. "TeethTeethTeethTeethTeethTeethTeethTeethTeethTeethTeeth :Story issues: For being a journal entry-style story, these entries don't feel like journals at all. Starting with the basics, a lot of the entries are incredibly rushed and try to cut right to the horror aspect which makes the posts feel rushed/underdeveloped. Then there's the point where you detail the person hour by hour. "M eats breakfast. He stares at his food 5 minutes before eating it. 8:55 M locks himself in his room. I peer through the window and see him on his computer. 9:31" It comes off as being incredibly unrealistic. :Story issues cont.: The creepy pasta name dropping really just weakens the story. As seen in this journal entry: "He picks up a pair of scissors and tries to slit his wrists, but I wrestle them out of his hands. He simple crumples to the floor. He cries. I ask him what it is. He simply whispers "The slender man. The slender man." First off, why is he writing it in present tense especially when the entry opens in past tense? "I watched him all day after yesterday, so I knew everything that happened." I'm sorry but this plot feels very underdeveloped and the ending is fairly lackluster. As this is the second story of yours I've deleted for not being up to quality standards and for using a lot of cliches/tropes, I would strongly suggest taking your next story to the writer's workshop. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 20:41, January 22, 2016 (UTC) The Wrath of Abaddon I have edited my short story "The Wrath of Abaddon " to fit the quality standards. It is my understanding that it was deleted most likely because of the text being all black from me copying it from my writing program. Or possibly because I forgot to capitalize A sentence starter near the beginning of the story. Either way, they are both fixed. Either way, I hope you'll give it A read and make the decision you feel is best. The Redder Baron (talk) 23:02, January 23, 2016 (UTC) :Actually we delete stories for reasons beyond a few coding issues and capitalization issues. Your story still has these issues so the appeal is being turned down. I would suggest waiting for feedback before making an appeal as authors have a tendency to overlook issues. Starting with the basics, your story/the post/the writer's workshop post has coding issues that make the story look like this in editor mode: " Yours truly " This makes it incredibly difficult to edit. Please use source mode when posting to prevent these issues. Additionally you do not need to indent paragraphs, doing so actually causes formatting errors. :Capitalization issues: "U.S.H.E Standing (standing) for the United States Humane Experiments". Not properly capitalize the start of multiple sentences. "household. there (There) were paintings strung up", " had everything. for (For) instance water,(comma not needed) and television.", "pie or noodles. but (But) instead something much more sinister.", "star. he (He) then lit the candles which sparked a brilliant yet small red flame.", etc. :Punctuation issues: Compound words need hyphens as they directly impact each other. "disturbing looking humanoid" Punctuation is missing from dialogue: " “You must do this to survive”, "if you don't you will die”, etc. Punctuation missing before dialogue: "Abaddon replied(,) “I’m hungry.”" :Wording issues: Awkward wording. "Abaddon was raised at the U.S.H.E since birth, so therefore that was the only name came up for him." (Also how does that impact naming?) Homophone issues: "Other then (than) that he basically" Redundancy issues: "Typically a commercial for a meat product, but sometimes commercials", you also have a tendency to repeat the name Abaddon multiple times in a paragraph after previously establishing he's the subject. "a (an) email" :Story issues: There really isn't much explanation for the reason of introducing a girl into the environment. There's very little detail of Abaddon himself despite the entirety of the story focusing on him. The plot feels very rushed and the president's letter at the end feels tacked on. " always.This(space needed) research in cognitive development and mind control will aid us in project MKUltra." I'm sorry but there are a lot of issues here so I'm turning down this appeal. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 23:22, January 23, 2016 (UTC) Arlington manor I think my story Arlington manor has the right kind of scare. also that my grammar and spelling has been corrected wherever possible. I mean I took the help of my English teacher before uploading it. the story is more about him than anything else. Stan 'psyco' cooper (talk) 16:27, January 25, 2016 (UTC) :I have to agree with SoPretentious here: "The story was rushed, the details brushed over too lightly. There was little impact, and nothing that leaves the reader with much to cling to. Paragraph #2 is a good example, and it is early on: "I remember the day we met(,) the poor guy(,) he was being swindled by a con man(.) I helped him out and that’s how we became friends. Anyway, he also happens to be a great believer in ghosts, you probably know where this is going, don’t you?" How was he swindled? How was he helped out? Being a believer in ghosts is not adding to the story, it seems unconnected and the random information is not cohesive throughout the story. It would be better with more impactful events and more suspense." :Additionally there are a lot of punctuation errors here. Punctuation missing/improperly used: "leave me alone(,)” I screamed", "“Whiskey.(,)” I said", You also overuse ellipses and weaken their effectiveness (10+ times in a story that is about a page long is excessive, etc. Capitalization errors: "He asked and I quote, “hey (Hey) John,", "the (The) bet was set.", " “leave me alone,", etc. I'm sorry, but beyond the story issues, there are a lot of punctuation and capitalization errors as well. I would suggest taking your next story to the writer's workshop or asking your teacher to look for these issues. I'm turning down the appeal as the story is not up to quality standards. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 16:55, January 25, 2016 (UTC) Stalking Vengeance Hee hee hee... I know why you deleted my story. I didn't read the quality standards first. ''So... I'm glad you did. It wasn't finished for one, and I also have forgotten ''where to ask why exactly it got deleted. I'm wondering if there's anything against occasional profanity in the quality standards. I read them all, but profanity is just one of those things you have to take into consideration, you know? I just want to be safe there. Because i'm obviously not asking you to save my story... I'm just looking for details, on quality etc. Plus, I'm willing to bet the site is more geared for short stories rather than novels like I was going for. I didn't mean to write a novel but I got carried away. I try to keep them short. I'll plan ahead next time with a word editor rather than just jump into CreepyPasta Wiki and start from scratch. Any hinters or anything I should know? ♥----Rhett P.S - Go ahead and deny me by all means, as long as I get my answers. :Profanity is aloud, length doesn't matter, but unfinished stories can't be uploaded. You can upload a series in individual parts as long as each section can be read as a stand alone story and still make sense. Aside from being unfinished, your story had a lot of issues including punctuation/way too many ellipses/capitalization/word usage/formatting/etc. Please look over our Writing Advice pages, read our Style Guide, and consider using our Writer's Workshop for feedback. :Jay Ten (talk) 16:48, January 26, 2016 (UTC) ::Not meaning to dog-pile here, but I also had a response typed up. First and foremost, we don't accept unfinished stories. "To be continued... Didn't know this was going to be such a novel." Posting another unfinished page will result in a ban. Additionally you tend to have multiple people speaking on the same line. "Are you TRYING to lose your job?" "Yes sir,"" Two people should never be speaking in the same paragraph as it muddles who's saying what and to who. Additionally your story really doesn't go beyond setting up the premise and character. There really isn't a driving plot here or conclusion.You don't even really make the title relevant as the character doesn't stalk anyone. ::Capitalization issues: Failure to capitalize proper nouns. "i thought", " i can't tell", "i really", etc. Unless ending a sentence or following with a proper noun after an ellipse, you should not capitalize the word (as it's a continuation of a sentence) "joy... The (the) office bitch", "a color too... But(but)", "friends are... Another guy", etc. ::Punctuation errors: You use ellipses a total of 110+ times. That is excessive for an 8 page story. Overuse of ellipses makes scenes appear melodramatic. Ellipses signify a pause in conversation so it comes off as odd to use them so frequently in the story. A majority of these should be commas or semicolons as well. When listing items, you need to use commas. ""You know, you wouldn't be a lonely hermit in an apartment complex if you had a real career."(,) "You're so out of fashion, do you not know how to dress?"(,) "I'd recommend you to some of my single friends"", etc. Compound items need to be hyphenated. "self help", "mid September", "co worker", etc. Punctuation missing from dialogue. "She's just a co worker". You also forget to use commas when there is a pause indicated in sentence structure. ::These were a few of the errors I came across at a glance, meaning that there is more wrong here than just what's listed above. I'm sorry but I'm turning down this appeal and strongly suggesting you use the writer's workshop as you overlooked a lot of issues and the story needs a lot of re-tooling. I hope this helps. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 17:05, January 26, 2016 (UTC) bala tharpanam my story met the quality standards. some of the words are indian and i have put in a glossary the ending of the story has been written like that on purpose. also the story was written by my dad some tome back and was uploaded on another site. which came with good reviews. :The story, while the backstory is a more refreshing concept than most, still falls into the fairly generic 'protagonist is typing out their last moments' storyline that is fairly problematic. It works in Lovecraftian stories as the protagonist is trapped and has no other option. It also has a fair share of issues that resulted in it being below quality standards. Please read the header/introduction to the appeal more carefully. "Also note that almost every story is deleted for a reason (typically due to it not being up to quality standards), making a deletion appeal without having a revised copy of the story in pastebin or having a link to the re-worked version on the writer's workshop will likely result in your story being denied and the administrator pointing out the reasons why they deleted the story." There are multiple capitalization, punctuation, wording, and story issues present in the story so I'm afraid I have to turn down the appeal. :Capitalization: Dialogue improperly capitalized. “man,” she said, in a voice that marvellously subdued grief and anger and yet expressed both, “You (you)”, “lady”, almost commanded the archer, “Let (let)", "lady,” he said, now addressing the old chieftainess in a voice choked with pain and emotion, “Our (our)", etc. If you are completing a sentence using commas, the continuation should not be capitalized unless it's a proper noun. :Punctuation: Quotations missing from dialogue. “sword, “O God!! My son…(”) Punctuation missing from dialogue. “Even hell will have no respite for you(.)” Improperly used ellipses. “this……how could you?” An ellipse is typically 3-4 periods, adding more does not indicate a longer pause. There should also be a space between those words as ellipses denote a pause in dialogue and having two words joined by one would suggest a single word spoken with a delay: “alas…don’t". Also in the glossary, sometimes you use punctuation and other times you don't. Every entry should have conclusive punctuation. :Wording issues: Awkward phrasing. "almost commanded the archer", "they will thus learn the lesson the story teaches", "He galloped on his horse virtually unopposed right till the riverside", etc. Compound words should be hyphenated as they are directly connected. "fifty five" Overly complex sentences that really should be broken up to help story flow. "We belong to a martial clan, and our forebears were royalty in their own right being vassal chieftains of provinces over which they enjoyed independent authority, though in suzerainty to their liege lord the emperor." :Story issues: The ending comes off as rushed and feels like the generic 'I don't have much time, but I'm going to type even till the end' type of story "The poain in my chest is unbearable I cant breathe any more my nosefeels lika plig has been shoved in n othint jmuy head is bursttin,something in mkjyb b head is WAQINY NTPOMA,M L.,;,/N Z76 GGGGGGGGG", which doesn't make much sense as a glossary is put right below it. Additionally it doesn't make much sense that he would be attacked mid-sentence and then post his story. A lot of the wording is overly flowery and tends to detract from the story more than add to it. :Story issues continued: The ending feels quite rushed as a majority of the story is dedicated to telling the history rather than the protagonist's current situation. In fact, while I was reading it, I almost forgot about the framing device until the protagonist started in again. I'm sorry but this story needs quite a bit of work. Looking over your other stories, you've post a total of three stories that have been deleted by three separate admins, which should really tell you something. I would strongly suggest taking your next story to the writer's workshop (links above) as you have a tendency to overlook quite a bit in your proof-reading and it has a number of story issues. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 07:35, January 29, 2016 (UTC) Spirt in the Cellar I have made edits to the story and feel that meets the sites standards :First and foremost, please read the header above on how to make an appeal. That being said, the story is still not up to quality standards. Additionally A LOT of errors I pointed out are still present here. This is why your appeal is being turned down. :Formatting issues: You combine multiple paragraphs by not putting a full space between them. Here is how your story was formatted (This is an issue I pointed out last time): It’s been almost thirty years since that day. I was only thirteen at the time. The place that I am talking about just got demolished, and I fear that whatever the hell was down there is now free from its prison.. :Punctuation issues: You shift between adding a comma on the last word of a list and not doing it. "smoke, gamble, smoke and gamble for smokes." and "chill, Smoke a little, play some cards,". Commas missing where needed. "“Hit me.(,)” I said"", "“Hit me.(,)” I shouted", "“Look I know you don’t like card games but you shouldn’t be standing by your own like this,”", etc. :Capitalization: Improperly capitalized words. "They found a huge Iron (iron) ore vain", " them, He would forget things,", "chill, Smoke a little, play some cards,", "That would be Ironic,”, " interrupted, “yeah my great uncle", etc. I'm sorry, I pointed these out in the past so it is pretty disheartening to see them here again. Please proof-read your next story and take advice under advisement. :Wording: "They found a huge Iron ore vain (vein)", "What met me there was (were) my three best friends", "“Shut the fuck up, your (you're) just too pussy... (repeat issue)", "tell us,” the both yelled with impatience.", etc. "O(Oh) yeah Pete(,) did you bring some cards to pass the time? (Repeat issue)", etc. :I'm sorry, but it's pretty obvious you haven't proof-read this as some of the examples I gave are ignored here. The story issues i pointed out are still present as well. I'm turning down this appeal and giving you a warning. The next time you submit an appeal without bothering to correct the original issues, I will deny it automatically. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 23:04, January 29, 2016 (UTC) It is not too late :Starting with the basics, your story title was improperly capitalized. While not essential, it is a useful thing to do. "It is not too late" is incorrect and should be in title case. Your story was deleted because the premise was very rushed and there wasn't enough content to make it effective. Addressing the reader directly also tends to backfire due to its tendency to break immersion. Also the ending comes off as pretty Cliche. "You need to do this before the next hour turns or you will die." It makes it feel gimmicky. I'm sorry but this story needs a lot of fleshing out as it's currently extremely underdeveloped and generic. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 00:26, February 1, 2016 (UTC) Ebony Im sorry. But i tried hours on my work and im not letting it be deleted. 3 times i tried. but i didnt give up. so i think it is only fair i get my work back. i based it on a true event which me and my friends mourn over. please, do it for me